After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
