I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
