I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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