in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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