my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
