I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Fuck appropriateness.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
