she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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