this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
