Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
