I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
