i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
