Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
