I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
