my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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