You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i came on her dog
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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