Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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