she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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