So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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