if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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