the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
