I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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