His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
