Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
