If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
