this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
