Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
