I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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