Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
