It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
