Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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