i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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