I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
