Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
