I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
