Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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