so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
