I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize