Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
