What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
