I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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