I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
