Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
