tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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