I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
