New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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