tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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