Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
