you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize