Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
