when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
