Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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