just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize