K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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