just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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