we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
