it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
