apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
operation harelip BJ is a go
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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