Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
