I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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