Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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