He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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