My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
