Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
